The Dichotomy of Motherhood

I just started back to school this week in my never ending attempt to finally complete my college degree. Interestingly enough I am taking a class called "American Motherhood"-as if that were something that we can easily discuss within one semester's class. We are discussing an excerpt from Adrienne Riche's Of Woman Born. It is always shocking to me to ever experience anyone expressing negative emotions that are connected with Motherhood. It is sort of the elephant in the room. We all have these feelings from time to time, but we are never supposed to express them. To do so could risk that greatest judgement of all--being called the "bad mother."

Riche does a good job of discussing the dichotomy of motherhood. The irreconcilable halves that make up the whole of feeling towards our children. We are at once the fiercest protectors of these beings, the "mother tigers" ready for a fight at the first sign of the teacher or coach who does not see the true abilities and possibilities that lie within these beings. Yet we can be their harshest critics, seeing them making some of the mistakes we made as children and wanting them to skip over these steps, to listen to the wisdom that we have in order to spare them the pain that we ourselves experienced. We push them to excel and to be the best.

I feel this same dichotomy with my own life. I love my children deeply and know what a gift they are to me. Yet as I sit here trying to study and further my own education, it is not lost on my that my personal needs are taken care of long after all of the days activities geared for the kids have been completed. Before I can sit down with my own books and thoughts there are meals to make, football games to watch, birthday parties to shop for and attend. What message does this send to my children? What message does this send to me?